12 Months Not Laid: How I passed the time without titillation in 2020 and what I did to get through it

 By Drew Gurza, Chief Disability Officer 

It has been quite the year, hasn’t it?  We all learned what the words “quarantine”, “lockdown” and “social distancing” really meant in 2020 as the pandemic changed our whole world - literally.  When the pandemic really took hold in March 2020, as a disabled person I was kind of excited by the isolation.  I got the chance to slow down, and it was really satisfying to watch everyone else do the same.  But, a couple weeks into our first lockdown in Toronto, as I was doing the same thing day after day being touched only by attendant care workers, I realized that I was missing something really important to me -- sex.  I looked at the calendar the other day, and realized that as of today (Feb 5, 2021) it has been a full year since I had sex!  I wanted to share some thoughts on how that feels for the blog today. 

The last time I had sex with my super hot sex worker on Feb 5, 2020, we kissed each other, he helped me get back in my wheelchair, gave me a hot hug to say goodbye, and I was certain that I would see him again in 2-3 weeks which has been our schedule over the past 3 years.  I didn’t think I would go 12 full months without seeing him, but then the pandemic hit and everything changed.   

At first, I thought the lockdown would only last 2-3 weeks or a few months at most.  I have gone long stretches in the past without good sex, a kind of “guysolation” if you will.   I hunkered down and got ready to do my part to contain coronavirus as a cripple.   My sex worker and I would sext occasionally all the hot things we would do once the lockdowns were lifted, and if we could we’d Facetime, which felt nice to be connected.  Sometimes, he would make me sexy personal videos, and I appreciated the digital dicking immensely. 

As the months dragged on, I started to feel ornery and really disconnected from my disabled body.  I found myself really snappy at my care workers, wishing that ANYONE else would pay me attention, and not wear gloves to touch me.   I guess you could say that I was developing a really bad case of “Drew Balls”.  Hahahaha.   

I was also really angry because I had *finally* carved out a sex life that I looked forward to, enjoyed, and it wasn’t rife with the sexual ableism that I was all too familiar with.  I was finally getting laid on the regular, and as a disabled person I know this can be incredibly rare, and then that was taken away from me without warning - blergh!   I was pissed.  

Aside from the NSFW texts between me and my sex workers, I found myself on the apps looking for cute guys to talk to, being playful with my disabled identity using names like “Bear in a Chair” or “Power Chair Top” to remind folks that I am disabled and hot!  

I know there are so many of you out there who haven’t been touched in a year either, and I see you.  You are not alone. I promise.  I know how difficult it has been for you, and I want you to know that you’re doing amazing.   Keep going.  

If you are experiencing similar feelings like the ones I’ve had this year, know that you can reach out to as at Handi by e-mailing GetInTouch@ThatsHandi.co or e-mail me at andrew@thatshandi.co to share what you’ve done to pass the time without titillation in 2020.  

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